Since I don't have

Since I don't have my phone to update you instantly, I struggle with experiencing so much each day and not posting about it. These photos are from a dinner on Tuesday! It was a traditional 'irori' grill dinner with beautiful vegetables, fish, and meat bites that were cooked individually before us. It was a wonderful dinner and I used Seki-san's camera so I could get snippets of it. It feels weird, however, to post this now since so much time has past.

Since then, over the past few days, I've experienced so many other things, met up with old pals from my Tokyo days, and had many thoughts run through my head. I want to share all this. Yet I'm not used to having to sit down, days later, to organize what I want to say. I miss being able to post random thoughts as they come up during my bumbling everyday life.

The gist, I guess, is that I'm having a fabulous time. I'm getting to catch up with groups of friends and it feels like I haven't left. It's comforting that I can be here and still find pieces of my old life. It's reassuring that I can live in SF and keep a parts of Tokyo. My worlds don't have to be so divided.

And as I ease back into being here, I'm also reconnecting with aspects of myself that I don't emphasize when in SF. I really am a 'context' person. It's not that I'm two-sided, but I definitely react and adjust to people around me. So when here, I am a little different and think/care about things that I don't in SF.

I suppose it's back to the cultural debate that always goes on within me. Having only a week here, and this being my first time back since I moved to SF, there's been a cultural leap. This surprises me and I find myself constantly thinking about what SF and Tokyo mean to me. Although I've been in SF for a little over 7 months now, I'm realizing it takes quite a lot of time for me to fully adjust. When moving to a new place, initially, everything is new and getting life in order is the focus. Now I'm comfortable and have a rhythm. So I'm finding the adjustment process is more internal and deep. SF life is busy and full of fun distractions so I haven't been conscious of the internal adjustments...Now that I am back here, I'm remembering my old life and old self, and noticing I have changed.

In what way though? What am I gaining or losing? What do I want to gain or lose? I'm amazingly happy, so does it matter anyway? If there are aspects of myself that I miss while being in the Tokyo context, can I import that by being more conscious of how I've changed?

When in Tokyo, I feel more American because I am different and can never be fully Japanese. When in the States, I feel more Japanese since there are subtle things I just don't get or take to. I communicate differently, have different connotations for things, and don't see things the way others seem to. As all these questions go through my head, I also wonder why I keep trying to figure all this stuff out.

All I do know is that I'm going to head out to town again today and thoroughly enjoy myself.