A day to yawn about...

When I'm super tired, I have little energy to talk/write/blog about it so I realize that I somewhat misrepresent my life with Tesla as if I'm not tired and all is a breeze. I love every minute of it, no doubt about that...but I do have moments when I'm really really tired. Like today. Telsa seems to have her first cold (I say "seems" because I just can't tell what is a cold vs. the teething thing). Anyway, she has a snotty nose that she hates getting wiped, and she is super fussy. She didn't sleep much at all last night so neither did I. At 6am, I finally went into the living room where Dav was trying to catch quality sleep and said, "you go in the bedroom; I need to sleep here." Thankfully he did since I was close to delirious by then.

What amazes me is that in the morning, I take a shower, somehow come to life, and am able to go to work. I wanted to write about this fatigue because I feel I should balance out how I "blogument" life with Tesla...for me to remember, and for anyone curious about what it's like with a baby. Obviously it's different for every parent and overall Tesla is easy. But when I have rough nights, the fatigue hits me. And it's not just the one time fatigue as if you partied too late and have to trudge through the next day. The difference is that it's non-stop. I don't get to make it through the day so I can rest later or count on sleeping in late. Tesla is full of life so there's no slowing down. When I get home from work, no matter how tired I am, she needs some hugging, then dinner, then a bath all in time before she gets too sleepy. By the time I cook our own dinner, clean up, check email, I'm ready to crash. I've yet to make it through a movie. I never used to fall asleep without knowing I was doing so; now I frequently wake up realizing I've missed half of whatever we were watching on TV.

What I'm trying to communicate is the main difference from before: there is no resting. I just have to live through the fatigue until my body adjusts. The word stamina comes to mind. It's a long stable marathon. I stay pretty active in spite of this, but I am having to be and learning to be stricter about my time. It's very tempting when friends invite me to this and that. And sure I could go to everything but I'd lose my balance big time (I get emotional when too stretched). I've already felt overwhelmed at times. I enjoy it and need my friends, but everything is a much bigger deal now. And although I'm not looking for sympathy, I do feel it's important for folks to know that mommies do so much behind the scenes. Until you're the main caregiver a baby, it's quite impossible to see how much goes into the constant attention needed for a baby...I don't think even Dav knows all the tiny things I do even though he's attentive.

So there you have it. It's hard to write all this because I don't want to seem complaining. I truly do love being a mommy and love the care giving part. I do want to, however, include a bit of the reality.

In the end, all that counts is how darn cute and lovable Tesla is. No matter what, it's so worth it!