Growing like a weed...

I love watching Tesla sleeping. Many times I hover over her crib and just stare. She's so relaxed, and I sense her brain doing all the intense work of figuring out each day's activities. I love knowing how reassured she is, and how she trusts and relies on us to give her a great environment to be a baby in. We enjoy showing her new stuff, and watching her eyes stare in wonder; next a tentative hand will reach out to touch, then there will be a grin of approval about the new thing in her life. I imagine how later at night, her brain is figuring out how to store that memory. In the "F" for fun file? Or "P" for pink file? Wait, could it be "F" for fur?

Of course her file system isn't alphabetical order. She is pretty much figuring out that a) having an ordered system helps, and b) what type of system to create. It's quite fun to watch.

Back to growing Tesla. Again, many a nights I tip-toe in and watch her sleeping. I marvel at how big she is. Sometimes for sweetness, I give her the boob just before bedtime. I mainly only feed her once in the wee hours of the morning, and maybe once during the day if I'm not at work. I haven't forced weaning; she's naturally demanded less. Even when I just get home from work, which used to be straight-to-nursing time, she now is busy playing or will nurse for just a tiny bit. When I do nurse her before beddy time, I purposely seat myself in front of her closet mirror. I sit and watch myself hold this giant baby. In my mind she's still tiny, so it's good to see this image. Little by little, I can feel & comprehend how fast she's growing.

As much as I miss Tesla as a tiny baby, I see how smart Nature is because Tesla's personality blooms to replace that. It's hilarious to watch Tesla emerge as a person: the way she says good-bye when I leave (a baby wave while she's busy showing off toys to granny), the way she welcomes me/Dav home (shriek, run, hug), the way she laughs at our silliness, the way she imitates us, the way she plays games with us, or the way she talks to herself loudly even when we say, "shhhh" because it's 6am on Saturday morning. The pace of change is still as intense as a newborn. Every other day, we see new behavior.

Every once in a while, I try to vision Tesla as a bigger girl, a teenager, a young adult, and a grown woman. I realize we're raising a human being who will face life in all its beauty and ugliness, all its amazing strength and heart-breaking weakness. She will be influenced by us as her parents. I found taking care of her as a newborn rather easy in the sense that although physically hard, I knew what she needed. And I wondered how I'd do when she became a toddler, and teaching and disciplining became important. I'm beginning to think that I am ready, that Tesla actually is teaching us how to teach her.

Time will tell, of course, but it's been a lot of fun getting to know her, and her getting to know us. I think we'll be alright : )