Kokochi

Memories of leaving the hospital

I never expected to stay so long and feel so entwined with Kaiser Permanente on Geary. First, I must say that I am 110% satisfied with the quality and personal care I received. I had high expectations based on my prenatal care, but the labor, delivery, OR, and recovery teams were just amazing. We went through rounds of shifts with all the variety of teams and personalities, but I ALWAYS felt my needs and desires were considered first. I felt like I was at some luxury facility and I was a special celebrity. I would happily be one of those cheesy "these guys are great" gushing candidates to put on an advertisement. In addition to everything being explained to us, and our wishes respected, once in recovery, we got one-on-one nursing/swaddling/diaper advice from the staff each day and night. That's one advantage of having to stay longer in the hospital; we got a lot of lessons to take home (nevertheless, breastfeeding IS quite hard...and I'm still astounded at how challenging it is). I actually had a slight complication with my c-section incision and could have stayed longer. Well, I shouldn't say slight. I haven't had the courage to actually look at "the complication," but judging from the reactions of Dav and my mom who have seen it, it's pretty significant. Basically I have a seroma. A blood clot prevented my incision from healing between the layer that keeps my guts in and the fat/skin layer. At this point, the best is to let it heal inside out, slowly. So I have a big open wound. I'm on vicodin, and as long as I'm on schedule, I can move around and deal with the twice daily cleaning that Dav does (Dav is so good). Luckily (and this is my MAIN concern), this all doesn't affect breastfeeding, so lovely Tesla has not had a drop of anything else but my milk. I would have been beside myself if this complication forced us to use formula for Tes. So, I keep focusing on the bright side. Leaving the hospital was emotional for sure. Being wheeled down in a chair, holding Tesla while daddy was weighed down with all our stuff, seeing others smile at us for our new beginning...all underlined the marking of this new chapter. I felt like I was coming out of a cave. As I waited in the lobby as Dav to get our car, I had a few moments to sit with myself and appreciate the trust Tesla had in us. We were about to take Tesla out into SF, a world that was going about its business as usual. For Tesla, it's another layer of "outside" to experience. So many more firsts to come...

To my dear husband Dav, the father of my daughter

These past few days have been pretty hard, and you've stepped up to do everything needed, plus be by my side. I think you are more tired than I am! I knew you'd be a great partner and father, but the immediate involvement and attention to detail in caring for both Tesla and I have made me fall in love all over again. To stay in the sterile hospital, waking up at 3am to take Tes in your arms so I could doze, following all the care instructions (you are the diaper king far and beyond), being patient that I have the boob goodies and you don't no matter how much you want to comfort Tes, and just being here with me all the time is the best gift of all. Not anyone can or would do this. And now I'm in recovery, with a crazily bloated body that even I don't recognize, with engorged boobs that must make you wonder where the hell your former wife is, with an inch deep gouge across my belly that you have to clean and dress 2 times a day (very gross, I know), and having to help me get up, sit down, even put my undies on. I am completely relying on you with no luxury of embarrassment or playfulness. This is at its most basic, like I imagine we'll take care of each other when we're 90 years old. Hopefully, we'll look back on this soon with a sense of humor, amazed at how trashed my body is over post-partum, post-surgery, and becoming an instant milk-machine. I love the way you talk to Tesla; it's a soothing voice I've never heard from you before. I know she's listening and is already Daddy's girl. She is lucky to have a father so involved. Right now it's just about swaddling and a clean butt, but it will lead to more very soon. The way she stares into your eyes will just get deeper, and I'm very much looking forward to seeing you two continue to bond.

Hello again!

Where do I begin? First, we finally came home yesterday. We were in the hospital for so long that days and nights had all blended. It was quite emotional to emerge and see SF again. Dav stayed with me the whole time sleeping on an uncomfortable side bed, but I couldn't have done it without him. Adjusting to actually seeing Tesla (vs. feeling her snug inside me), and recovering isn't easy. I almost feel like I've emerged from a safe womb into a new reality. We've had several days/nights of the nap/feed/diaper routine with the support of a team of nurses (we got SO much valuable one-on-one instruction that I'm almost glad we got the extra time in the hospital), and now we're on our own. I should first clarify to those who might not know yet that I ended up having a c-section. This was a very hard route to take both emotionally and physically. I'm definitely still recovering in both aspects. Basically, I did opt for an epidural, and after many hours, I came to a point where I wasn't dilating even with good solid contractions. More importantly, Teslas heartbeat dipped more than a few times causing all of us concern (even had a quick run to the OR just in case they needed to get her out within a minute). In the end, we didn't want to take any more chances. To be honest, I was pretty upset about it. Birth is incredibly deep and personal; I'll just leave it at that. But I try to focus on the immensely bright side that we now have a beautiful and very healthy baby girl. She drinks with gusto, has strong limbs enough that the nurses tease us, and isn't jaundiced. Here are a few moments from labor that I never got around to uploading (duh!) [I feel weird sharing such personal moments, but this really is a need for me and how I process stuff. Please skip if it's not your cup of tea...] View image View image View image View image I want to take a moment and thank everyone who sent your love and support via comments and emails. You have no idea how much it meant to me to come home after such an experience to have your words. I think the post-pregnancy hormones are making me teary and emotional, but I'm working my way through missing pregnancy, processing the delivery, and appreciating having Tesla in our arms. To know you were watching for her inspires me. So thank you very much to each one of you.

Our daughter

Tesla Rhea Yaginuma

ok, we're heading out...

not sure if we're too early, but we're heading to the hospital. I'm scared that I won't even be dilated, but it hurts so I sorta wouldn't mind getting the car journey over with...I'm in good spirits :) p.s. actually, as soon as we packed up, I got a better handle so we're still at home actually...but will go soon...

1 minute-ish

Got to a point where I could lie down and snooze between contractions instead of constantly walking which was real nice. About 1 minute and about 5 apart or so, but I think it may not be regular yet. I'm up walking again cuz it freaking hurts, and I'm loving my birthing ball.

Still here...

I know it's early and there's a long road yet to go, but I'm already totally feeling it. Pretty much just resting, then walking around the house to ease the pain. I'm not into doing anything else. My mom just made me a sandwich that I'm forcing myself to eat for energy, but I've got very little appetite. Dav putters around me, but I'm not in the massage stage yet. Swaying back and forth is my thing for now. The contractions are still very short, so we're not timing or anything. I cannot imagine what levels I've yet to reach...I feel like a wimp! I'm very glad I haven't burdened myself with some goal about how this labor should go. I'll just do the best I can...

The contractions are beginning...

So this is what I'm in for...geez. I had been feeling cramps for the past 24 hours, but no big deal. Then around 2am today, I woke up to more discomfort, ended up rolling around on the floor since I was moving so much and didn't want to bother Dav. By 3am, the discomfort became distinct "on" discomfort, with long "off" in betweens, so I got back into bed to snooze. The "on" has been super short...like 5~10 seconds, and the "off" long enough that I actually fell asleep forgetting what's happening. I'm thinking this is a nice gentle way to ease into the real deal. But I'm getting a glimpse of what the "on" is going to be like. I can't imagine the "on" being a minute long! It's too uncomfortable to be lying down now, so I'm up alone (well, not really; Kats is with me). It was pretty funny that for a while in bed, I kept turning or getting up to go to the bathroom, and Kats never budged. As usual, I had to climb over him! Sheesh. So things are going well. I'm trying to welcome this pain. We sure tried hard to get it going: played ping pong at our local bar with Dav (I beat his ass), my mom massaged that special inducing area, and Dav and I, you know, snuggled ;) Whatever it was, something has started. Could be a long ways away though...I sense this is just the beginning.

SF's micro-climates

This was from a few afternoons back when it was gorgeously sunny, and we decided to take a quick drive. We chose Twin Peaks that we can see from our living room so mom could view back where we live. It was hot and beautiful in Potrero Hill, but we could see the fog rolling in on the peaks, so we bundled up. It was freaky windy! My mom couldn't believe that just 20 minutes away the weather could be so different. She had thought it strange that no one planted trees on Twin Peaks...until she got up there and realized the wind just would not allow that. I laughed so hard watching her and Dav have fun with the wind.

patrick roddie photography

I was most fortunate to have bumped into Patrick Roddie, an awesome professional photographer. I had never met him, but knew about his Hips book, and also from just seeing "webbery.com" on so many cool Burning Man photos. He simply came up and asked if he could take pictures of my belly. Of course. To have a great photographer document my funny shape just days before welcoming who's inside...now that is super cool!

He spent a good 6 hours with me earlier this week both at his studio and at my house, bless his heart, since I am not very comfortable in front of a camera. He took, um, 840 pictures! A lot were of me just trying to adjust being stared at by a gigantic camera. But Patrick is totally skilled...we chitchatted to get to know each other, he made me laugh, he made me tea, his cats came to play, and he somehow captured some pretty nice shots.

He does all sorts of pictures (including weddings), and I really like his style. Nothing too posed, he uses neat angles and natural light, and he takes the time to get a person as they are. I never thought working with a photographer would be so much fun! If you are interested in getting pictures taken, I highly recommend Patrick.