Eddie, my neighborhood buddy from when I lived in Tokyo, IM'd me the other day. He had posted a very cute picture on his site. I put it on my site too. Then we chatted a bit and in the midst of our conversation, he mentioned that I don't write that much on my blog. I am indeed more into pictures. But that got me thinking. I do want to write and I was being more or less complacent with just moblogging all the time. So I started thinking more about writing, which is a very different sort of sharing with the world.
Then last night, Dav downloaded that Cree Summer song I've been wanting to hear. We were lying on the bed listening when all of a sudden a huge wave of emotion washed over me. Tears started and my heart tightened. In an instant I realized my association with the song; I had listened to it many times during a very difficult break-up and personal transition. It was the darkest time of my life thus far. I've journeyed on, and am lucky to say I am very happy. I feel the challenging lessons I learned have guided me well. But I don't talk much about that very private period. So I was rather stunned at the power of that song to bring those emotions right back to the surface.
It was such an emotional experience that I felt the urge to blog it about it. Encouraged by Eddie, I would write about it and really share something from inside. But I also felt hesitancy. I don't really know how many people read Kokochi, and I haven't been in the practice of sharing so intimately. I became aware that I was tempted to censor myself in relation to the imagined audience of Kokochi. Dav pointed out that lots of blogs I read and enjoy bear very personal matters to the public at large; that the blog is the writer's blog and they share what they want to. And yes, Kokochi is mine.
I do like that I don't limit my blog to a specified group of friends. I have received the most heart-warming comments or private emails from total strangers. Those connections are what makes blogging worth it for me. I want to keep Kokochi completely open.
Then Dav really hit it home. He said if I'm thinking about audience, I should think about my children or grandchildren. I've often said one of the important reasons for blogging is to show future generations who I am, and show tidbits about this life we experience. I am conscious that Kokochi is a documentary. So although I hesitated, I am posting this to add depth to the otherwise rather mundane moblogging posts. I realize I'm still not giving details about that time, but letting you know I went through it is the first step, right?
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